


Broken Angel

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Minor Character Death, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-03
Updated: 2006-04-02
Packaged: 2018-12-27 13:50:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12082326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin gets some news that will forever change his life.  How will he and Brian deal?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Justin's heart stopped. He couldn't stand anymore. The phone lay forgotten on the table.

"Hey Justin I was.." Brian started coming out of the bedroom to notice a very pale looking Justin sitting at the kitchen table. "Justin what's wrong?" Brian immediately thought he was reliving the bashing from two years prior. 

Justin turned to Brian. "He..and I...oh my God...dead...me..." 

"Justin, you're not making any sense. Calm down." Brian was getting scared but played it calm as he kneeled in front of the younger man. Rubbing his thigh in attempt to get him calm. 

"He died." Justin had tears streaming down his face. 

Brian was becoming terrified. "Who?" 

"Ethan." 

"Oh." 

Justin nodded. "He..they..he had...HIV." 

His breath caught in his throat. "What?" 

"He never told me. I.." 

Brian knew it he just did. Justin had let Ethan fuck him without a condom. 

"When was he diagnosed?" Brian was trying to stay calm. 

"They don't know. The hospital got a list of his lovers from Calier his friend. We all need to be tested." Justin was shaking now. 

"Justin." Brian tried to get the younger man to look at him. "Listen to me. Are you listening?" 

Justin nodded through some tears that were spilling over his face. 

"We are going to get you tested right now. Are you ready?" Brian said slowly. 

Justin just nodded. "I'm sorry." 

"Sorry's for bullshit. Don't be sorry. Not for this." Brian stated. 

Nodding again Justin made no attempt to stand up. So Brian straightened up and grabbed Justin's hand, pulling the younger man out of the chair. He pulled the blonde to him. "It will be okay." 


	2. Broken Angel

It seemed like hours since the nurse had taken Justin into the examining room. Brian just sat stunned in the waiting room. He now understood the meaning of waiting. He had waited to see if his lover was going to live or die in this very hospital years before and now he was back waiting to see if his lover was going to live a full life or die, again. At the request of Justin he didn't call anyone. No need to worry the family if he wasn't pos-. Brian couldn't even think the word. It was too scary, too real.

Finally Justin emerged from into the waiting room. "They'll call me with the results tomorrow." 

Brian nodded. "Come on let's go home." 

All Justin could do was nod. 

The ride to the loft was silent. Both men in their own worlds. 

"Why'd you do it?" Brian asked softly. 

"What?" 

Brian cleared his throat. "Why'd you let him?" 

Justin shrugged. "I don't know. He said he loved me. That we would be together forever. I believed him." 

Something in Justin's voice told Brian there was more to the story, but he just nodded. "You hungry?" 

Justin shook his head. "No." 

Brian figured he wouldn't be. "Do you want me to take you home? To Daph's I mean?" 

Again Justin shook his head and replied with no. 

And once again Brian knew he'd answer that way, by this time he was already pulling up to his loft apartment building. Taking a deep breath he parked and turned off the engine. 

Justin just sat in his seat staring ahead. 

Brian opened his car door and undid his seat belt. "We're here?" He asked softly, looking so very lost. 

"Yeah baby, we're here." 

"Oh." But Justin made no move to get out of the car. 

So Brian picked him up out of the seat and carried him all the way up to the loft. Justin just rested his head against Brian's shoulder as the elevator slowly made it's way up to the top floor. 

As soon as they were in the loft, Brian set Justin on the sofa. "Do you want anything? Water, juice...?" 

"Brian?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Can you please just hold me? I just...I'm afraid i'm going to fall apart. And I can't do that! I don't want to do that! As long as I know your here I won't shatter! But you just gotta..." He trailed off as sobs overtook him. 

Sighing, Brian walked over to the sobbing younger man. He stroked Justin's cheek for a moment before taking him into his arms. "Your strong, you will get through this. You won't fall apart. We will stay sane until the results come tomorrow. Okay?" 

Justin's sobs quieted a bit as he nodded against Brian's shoulder. "I'm sorry." He whispered. 

Brian was stunned. "For what?" 

"Acting like a drama princess." 

Half smiling Brian replied. "Quit saying your sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for." 

Justin nodded. "I think i'll go lay down." 

"Okay." Brian nodded watching the younger man shed his clothes on the way to the bed. 

As soon as Justin's breathing evened out Brian sat on the couch and cried. 


	3. Broken Angel

Later that evening, Brian heard Justin shifting on the bed. He hadn't moved from the spot he was at.

"Brian?" Justin called softly from the stairs. 

Brain looked over. "Hmm?" 

"I'm going to go get us some food from the Diner." Justin told him, smoothing out his wrinkled shirt. 

Nodding, Brian stood up. "You want me to drive you?" 

Justin shook his head. "I think...I think I just need to walk. Clear my head a bit. I'll be back in an hour." 

Brian nodded again and sat down in his spot when Justin had gone. Justin just couldn't die. He was too young, to full of life, to much a part of Brian's life. Trying to imagine life without Justin didn't work. Life without Justin's smile, his constant nagging of Brian not eating enough, the way he would bite the inside of his cheek while he concentrated on studying, everything. 

Taking a breath Brian looked up. "I can not fucking believe i'm doing this." He sighed as he clasped his hands together. "God, I know that you and I don't see eye to eye. But I can't deal with this on my own." He stopped feeling vulnerable that he was talking to someone he didn't even know existed. "Fucking damnit! Why him? Hasn't he been through enough? Is this some sick joke that you came up with. Tear the one person who means the most to me out of my life, so i'll end up just the way I was?! Is that it?!" Brian screamed, pausing for a moment. "Look, i'm asking for him. Spare him. I would go through a fucking hundred radiation treatments if that's what it took to spare him. I would cut off my other ball, anything if you just give him back his invincibility. He's only 19, he shouldn't have to worry about HIV or AIDS. Please..." Brian stopped feeling exhausted. 

"What the hell?" A shocked voice came from behind him. 

Jumping up, Brian spotted the intruder. "Mikey." 

"Were you just...I mean what? Were you..?" Michael stammered. 

"Mikey I..." Brian started. 

Michael crossed to Brian. "So the little shit has AIDS?" 

"Shut the fuck up." Brian spat. 

"He finally got what he deserved." Than a thought hit him. "What about you? If that fucking whore has infected you I will kill him! I swear to God!" 

"Michael! Would you please shut the fuck up!" Brian screamed. "Don't you dare come into MY home and call MY partner a whore. He's not. And you fucking know it!" 

"But Brian, he has AIDS." Michael whined. 

Brian sighed. "So does Ben and Hunter." 

"That's different." 

"How?" Brian shot back. 

Michael was at a loss of words. "It just is!" 

"Because you love them. That's what makes it different? Tell me Mikey is this really about the possibility that Justin might have HIV or that I love him and am willing to stand by him." Brian looked Michael pointedly in the eyes. 

"You don't do love." Michael argued. 

Brian took a step closer the smaller man. "Don't fucking sit there and dictate what I do and don't do. You think i'm the same Brian Kinney that I was four years ago. I'm not! Justin has changed me. Made me want to change." 

"Hey! I got...Michael? What are you doing here?" Justin questioned, coming through the metal door. 

"I hope you fucking die a horrible and miserable death." Michael spat with an evil smile before leaving. 

Justin's face went pale. 

"He knows?" 

Brian nodded. 

"You told him?" 

"No." 

Justin swallowed hard. "Than how the fuck could he know? You fucking told him!" Dropping the food onto the counter, he turned heal and ran out of the apartment building. He had no idea where he was going but all he knew was that he had to get away. 


	4. Broken Angel

Mega warnings - This chapter is not pretty. It's filled with angst and has a rape scene in it. If it's not your kind of thing I suggest stop reading right now.

Justins P.O.V.

* * *

I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't. Ethan had HIV. Ethan had died of HIV. Fuck! Shit! 

I watched myself drop the phone. It was like everything was happening in slow motion. Like it was happening to someone else. But it wasn't. It was happening to me. 

Later when Brian asked me why I let Ethan fuck me raw, I wanted to yell I didn't. I didn't at all. I fucking told him no. I kept on telling him no. That I never wanted it to happen. 

_~Flashback~_

"You saw him. Didn't you?" Ethan accused me. 

I stammered for a moment. "No, I...Ethan I swear I didn't." 

"Don't lie to me!" Ethan screamed grabbing my arm. I tried to pull it back. But his grip was so tight. 

"Ethan you're hurting me." I whimpered trying to break free. I had never seen him like that. 

Ethan pulled me closer to him. "Big fucking deal! You think i'm not hurting because you went back to your sugar daddy?" 

"I didn't. Ethan I don't know what you're..." 

"I can smell him on you. I could smell him all the way down the hall." He sneers throwing me on the bed. "Did you let him fuck you?" 

I couldn't breath. I wanted to vomit. Ethan was on top of me on the bed, ripping my clothes away. "Ethan, please...stop." I begged. 

"You want it hard. I bet you let HIM fuck you so hard that you bled all over. I bet you begged for it." He whispers, running his hands over my body. I tried to break free, but Ethans a lot stronger than he looks. 

He yanks my head up to look at him and I know that he's ripped out some of my hair as well. He forces his mouth on mine, demanding entrance to it with his tongue. I manage to slap him, he retreats and punches me hard in the stomach and knocks the breath out of me. I didn't even realize he had flipped me onto my stomach after that. 

"Please don't do this Ethan. You can still stop." I beg, sobbing now. 

"You always let HIM fuck you in the ass. Now it's my turn." He growls. I feel him spreading my ass cheeks and I prepare myself for the intrusion. He plunges in me as hard as he can. I feel myself scream. Wait! Something is wrong! I didn't hear a condom wrapper. I feel him. 

"Ethan stop, please!" I beg. When I realize he isn't I just pray for him to cum fast and leave me alone. He does. In about five minutes I feel his cum inside me and it burns. I know I'll never wash it off. 

There's a shift in which I imagine him standing up. Hearing the door slam I pull myself into a tight ball and pray that the pain will go away. 

A few hours later I wake up and realize my lower half is covered in blood and cum. It's all over the sheets and even on the bed spread. 

The next morning he pretends nothing happened. That he didn't do anything. Even asks what happened to me. That's the day I decided to leave. 

~end flashback~ 


	5. Broken Angel

I can't believe that just happened. I can't believe any of this. God when will this ever stop?

Picking up my cell phone I dial in the familiar numbers. 

"Leave me a message...beep!" 

Fuck! "Jus, it's me. Please just let me know you're safe." 

God who else to call? "Hey Deb." 

"Brian!" She squeals into the phone. "How are you honey?" 

I run a hand through my hair. "Umm, is Justin with you?" 

"No, i'm afraid not. Is everything alright?" Deb asks, voice full of concern. 

"Yeah." I hang up. Who else to call? 

I try Jen, Emmett, Ted, Ben, even Daphne and no one has seen him. The little shit, when I get my hands on him, oh God let me get my hands on him. 

Grabbing my keys off the counter I rush to the vette. Rubbing my eyes, I drive to any where I could think that he would go. The park, PIFA, everywhere. He's no where. Oh fuck! 


	6. Broken Angel

Putting the vette in park, Brian decided to try one last place. The Liberty Avenue Diner. As he gets nearer he spots a familiar blond next to a lamp post. The "lamp post." He carefully approaches the younger man from behind.

"Had a busy night?" Brian whispered. 

Justin turned around, slightly smiling at the familiar words. "Just checking out the bars, you know, BoyToy, MeatHook..." 

Brian takes a breath, thankful that Justin is safe. "I was looking for you." 

"Yeah right." Justin replied sarcastically. 

Brian tried to take Justin's hand but he pulled it back. "Justin I..." 

"You told Mikey. Brian, why would you do that? Why would you tell him I'm going to die?" Justin was near tears. 

Brian shook his head. "You are not going to die." 

Justin just stared ahead. 

"I didn't tell Mikey. He...oh hell. It doesn't matter." Brian pulled Justin in his arms. The need to hold the blond beating out the knowledge that Justin didn't want to be touched right then. 

Justin tried to resist but soon relaxed into he embrace and let Brian hold him. Tears soon ensued. 

"This isn't about Mikey is it? You're scared." Brian whispered trying to keep his tears at bay because everyone knows that Brian Kinney doesn't cry. Well except for a certain artist. 

Justin could only nod. 

Brian held Justin tighter. "It's okay." 

"I'm terrified." Came Justin's muffled comment. 

"I know. But you'll be okay." 

Justin nodded again before he heard Brian saying something softly. 

"What?" Justin asked wiping his eyes and pulling back. 

Brian smiled sheepishly. 

"What...what were you saying?" Justin asked. 

"Nothing, let's go home." 

Justin grabbed Brian's hand as he was turning. "What?" 

"I wassinging." 

"What?" Justin asked again a smile playing on his lips. 

"I was singing." 

Justin made a motion for him to continue. 

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..." Brian sang quietly. "Happy?" 

"Very." Justin smiled genuinely for the first time that day. Which made Brian smile in return. "Let's go home." 

* * *

Authors Note: I couldn't help myself with the You Are My Sunshine. LOL. :)


	7. Time

  
Author's notes: I apologize a million times that it's taken me so long to update this one... I finally dusted it off and came up with an ending...so watch out for that soon. I also apologize for the shortness of the chapter.  


* * *

Dr. Snider seemed to take forever. At least that's what it seemed like to Brian. Glancing at the clock again, he realized that only three minutes had passed since he had last dared himself to look. 

Brian sighed and turned to his partner. "Whatever happens..."

"Please, don't. Just don't." Justin whispered gripping the chair handles.

"Okay, okay." Brian whispered back.

A few more moments passed and finally the door creeked open.

"Mr. Taylor, I'm Dr. Snider." He held out his hand with a smile. Brian felt like punching the man. What the hell was his problem? Justin's sitting here waiting for news that could forever change his life and this fucking guy is smiling?

Justin nodded and shook it. "Alright doc, what's the verdict." 

Brian took Justin's hand into his. 

"Well, Mr. Taylor, the good news is you're in very good shape."

"But?" Justin prompted.

Dr. Snider cleared his throat. "HIV is very treatable these days. If contracted people can and do live full and rich lives. There have been many advances in medicine these days. So even though there isn't a cure for HIV or AIDS, if detected in it's early stage there is much we can do to prolong life."

"Are you saying Justin has.." Brian couldn't bare to say it. Couldn't bare to utter the words HIV and Justin in the same sentence.

_Does he or doesn't he? Find out in the next installment_


	8. Chapter 8

  
Author's notes: Sorry that this is so short... life been kicking my ass and I've had absolutely no time to sit down and write this. If I do decide on another chapter it's probably going to take a while to do. But don't worry this story has always been in the back of my mind. :)  


* * *

Dr. Snider took a glance at the chart in front of him again. "Justin do you want Brian to step out of the room while I tell you the results?"

I shake my head. "No." It came out as a puff of air.

"Alright then, Justin your results came back..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't. How could? I don't understand. Brian? Brian? Where's Brian? Oh, right he's holding my hand. Oh my God. 

"Are you alright?" Brian whispered from his seat.

I couldn't speak, couldn't find the words.

"Justin?" Dr. Snider asked.

"I'm...I... just...I just need a moment." I whisper, trying to get my thoughts to clear.

"Of course." Dr. Snider says. "I'll give you two a moment." 

Brian turns to me. "Justin? Jus?"

I shake my head. "I can't...I just never thought..."

"I know." Brian says softly getting out of his chair and taking me into his arms.

"I don't know why I'm acting like this...I..." I'm wiping tears from my cheeks.

Brian chuckles. "It's okay."

The next thing I know i'm laughing. Laughing hysterically and Brian is just holding me. 

"I'm sorry. I just don't know how to react."

Smiling, he pulls back and kisses me.

"You're negative. You're going to be fine." 

All I can do is nod and hug him back.


End file.
